I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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