Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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