What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
