I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
