A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Be still, my beating vagina.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
