Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
