my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
