My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
