she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
