If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
