this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
