My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
