I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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