No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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