remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
