I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
