i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
