ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
