It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
