I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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