I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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