I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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