Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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