i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
