Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
