good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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