Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
