you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
