Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
