the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize