how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she smelled like a LAN party
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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