apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
