He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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