I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
