3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
