I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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