So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
