where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so much tequila, so little girl.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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