I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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