when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize