just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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