maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
