Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
