you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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