She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize