i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
