I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
