based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
