Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
