i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
