my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize