It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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