Banned from zoo.
Again?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
