I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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