Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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