Dude my mom stole all your condoms
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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