i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
