the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
