yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
