Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
