Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He has the fingertips of a God
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
