I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
