He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
