i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
