My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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