3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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