its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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