ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
